I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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