My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize