so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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