haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
