who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My vagina is officially offended.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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