oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
