So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
