Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
