how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
