You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
