apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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