Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
