mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
