Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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