I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
