I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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