then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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