just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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