three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize