This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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