I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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