I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
lol hangovers are for mortals.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
