I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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