I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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