she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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