Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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