if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
