Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
