i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
