Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I faked an abortion last night.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize