Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
