I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
