Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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