I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
