Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
