Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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