At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize