I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
