the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it's like heaven, but drunker
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
