Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
