Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
