ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
