im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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