You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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