I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
