I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
