so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
