its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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