i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize