i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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