My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
