Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
