"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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