PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
