she woke up with a sticky ear
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
