And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
