You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is Oprah even human
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
