Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
