its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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