you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
