just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
