Please, let me fuck your mom
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
