i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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