my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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