Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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