Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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