If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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