I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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