Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
