if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I could make wine with my vomit
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
