How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
