he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this boner is exhausting
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
